Monday, October 16, 2006

Not Bitter. Really.

It's that time of year, folks, the time of year that fortunate knitbloggers all across North America start posting about their Rhinebeck projects, their plans to meet blogfriends at Rhinebeck, their Rhinebeck shopping lists. You'll be reading none of that at affiknitty, however, because I am not going to Rhinebeck. I wouldn't want you all to get the impression that I resent all of you lucky enough to go, however. So I offer you a little song to accompany your packing and preparations. It's sung to the tune of Cake's "Rock and Roll Lifestyle."

"Sheep and Wool Lifestyle"

Well, your needle collection looks shiny and costly.
How much did you pay for your Lexie Barnes bag?
And how much did you spend on your new spinning wheel
And the half of a fleece that you didn't even feel?

Now tickets to workshops and buying of books,
Sometimes for designers that you haven't even heard of.
And how much did you pay for your Brenda Dayne t-shirt,
That proves you were there,
That you heard of her first?

How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?
How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?
How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?
Ah, tell me.

How much did you pay for the handpainted yarn,
The stuff you'll throw in your stash at the end of the day?
And how much will you pay for some brand new sock yarn,
Stuff which you'll ruthlessly stash at the end of another day?
And how long will the knitters keep hoarding up skeins?
As long as their DPNs are sharp, slick and light ones.
And how long will the spinners keep buying up fiber?
As long as their spindles are balanced and fine ones.

Fluffy soft merino and cashmere in barns,
Alpaca, and quiviut, and dozens of yarns.
Your wallet pays dearly now for Rhinebeck acquisitions,
But knit on intently with some new Knit Picks Options.

How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?
How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?
How do you afford your Sheep and Wool lifestyle?

Excess ain't rebellion.
You're knitting what they're selling.
Your stash expansion doesn't hurt them.
Your hoarding won't divert them.
They're so happy to restock it.
They'll never really fill it.
Yeah, excess ain't rebellion.
You're spinning what they're selling.
Excess ain't rebellion.
You're knitting,
You're spinning,
You're knitting what they're selling.

Seriously, have fun everyone. I'm hoping next year to be right there with you!


Anonymous Erica said...

Hee! Can I tell you how much I needed a chuckle this morning, after two hours in the preschool parking lot in the damp chill? Truly, you have brightened my day (especially since I'm not going to Rhinebeck either).

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Mary-Heather said...

No you di'ent!

Oh my gosh, that's so funny. I love it! I am bitter, and I'm not afraid to say it. Your post is hilarious!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Coleen said...

I feel your pain! I'm not going either. A few of us that aren't going have decided we need to go find a bar somewhere to drown our sorrows. Not the best alternative, but it will have to do!

11:34 AM  
Anonymous jessie said...

I sense a teeny-weeny bit of bitterness.... But great song!

I'm not going either but I'm okay with it. I get to meet Norma and Margene in the course of their pilgrimage and that's good enough for me!

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Ellen said...

I, too, feel your pain. There are so many of us who are not going. Sob!

But I love, love, love your song lyrics! So clever. You made my day.

12:16 PM  
Anonymous rose said...

Great song! Just waht I needed for a Monday.

12:21 PM  
Blogger jillian said...

That's great! Made my morning. And a very good question, too.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous linda said...

That's hilarious! Every year around this time, I too feel a little left out of the fun. We'll have to really hype up the fiberfest in Wooster! :)

1:52 PM  
Blogger christine said...

Very funny............from another person who is not going to Rhinebeck.......(boo hoo....sob)

3:12 PM  
Blogger Kate A. said...

Oh my god! Not only am I VERY sympathetic with the sentiments expressed here, but oh how I love that song! Haven't listened to it in ages, for some reason, and now I really prefer your version. :-)

6:12 PM  
Blogger gray la gran said...

that's absolutely fantastic ! ... i'm listening to the u-tube link as i write this :)
this will be my first rhinebeck, and could be my last. i just have to go and see what all the hoopla is about, and i have friends there too.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I'll tell you how I afford it - I'm going with my mom!

8:24 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Hilarious! Hey, I'm right there with you... staring through the shop window at all the wonderful shiny toys, with no money in my pocket to get anything.

8:57 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Wow, that is too funny. I too, will be sitting back and reading all of the Rhinebeck posts and looking at all of the smiling knitters, lovely yarn...sigh.

9:27 PM  
Blogger LizKnits said...

ohhh my godddd!
That is fantasticly funny ...
For those of us not going to "the" event, can sit at home and console ourselves with being cake-fan, non-Rhinebeck attending, rebellers.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous JessaLu said...

I don't detect a bit of bitterness. Not one iota.

How much would you hate me if I told you I live less than an hour from Rhinebeck...? ;o)

I do want to say, I did the 'spend-more-than-you-make-in-a-week' thing last year, and this year I have a list and a plan - and a much smaller budget ;o)

10:43 AM  
Anonymous ldymosquito said...

Holy Crap. That was fantastic. Did it just come to you, or have you been thinking about this one for a while?

10:50 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Great lyrics. No Rhinebeck for me either, even if I were not currently 8 months pregnant.

What's this about a fiberfest in Wooster?

2:51 PM  
Blogger Bev in TN said...

Bitter??? Not me. I'm whiny and envious. But that doesn't stop me from compulsively searching blogs for any mention of Rhinebeck. Glutton for punishment here.

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

Bravo! Simply genius. Anyone with a stash enhancement problem should carry that around on a little laminated wallet card for strength.

9:20 PM  
Blogger JulieFrick said...

Oh, my GOD that's genius. But we're not bitter....

9:35 AM  
Anonymous nikki the blogless said...

Snort! Thanks for the laugh!

1:36 PM  

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